I am a spiritual person. I feel the presence of God in my everyday life. I thank God continually for the blessings bestowed on me. I pray. I ask forgiveness for my sins. I express gratitude through prayer. I ask for signs.....and I get them.
During a particular stormy time in my life, I attended a morning of prayer at a local retreat center. Operated by the Sisters of St. Joseph, this former summer mansion is used to conduct prayer vigils, retreats, and other such outings. I was drawn to this place by the sea hoping to find solace.....comfort.....a path during my difficult journey. Boy did I find it.
After a introductory session, the attendees were asked to roam the property and take in its beauty. The goal was to commune with God and take note of any spiritual messages, then return to the group and share. I walked around the cliff and spent time with an ancient statue of the Blessed Mother.....well worn by the wind and power of the salt spray. I walked down to the beach and wandered. This beach is unsual in that it is covered in stones. Millions of them. More stones than sand. They make the most beautiful noise as they are drawn back into the sea by the waves and tossed about. If one was looking for a quiet spot by the water, one would probably choose another beach. However, I did not have that choice. :)
I walked along listening to the waves and rocks. Watching the sun sparkling on the water, counting my blessings. I offered up to God my concerns, my weaknesses, my utter fear. I asked for a sign from him that I was doing the right thing.....something to give me reassurance. Then, I found a heart shaped rock. This is not unusual for me.....when I ask for a sign from God on the beach, He usually sends me heart shaped rocks. This one was fat and chunky in my hand. Solid. I was confident I was heard, and smiled to myself.
Then I got nervy. I asked for another sign. I was really in a scary place.....financial concerns, moving to another home if all went well, lots of worries about my marriage, my children, my mother, my brother, my sister. My father. I needed something more. I got up my nerve and said "Ok God, you sent me the heart-shaped rock, and I thank you. You've done this for me before, but I need something else. Please, please let me know I am doing the right thing".
I plunked myself down on a log and sat on a log left behind from some coastal storm. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I was scared and overwhelmed and needed comforting. I wanted so badly for someone to put their arms around me and tell me it was all going to be all right. After a deep breath, I realized it was time to head back and rejoin the group. My eyes were brought to the stones near my right foot, and there I found my sign.
Jumbled in with countless other blue-gray-sandy colored large rocks of all shapes and sizes was a small pinkish oval stone. While it looked perfectly blended in with its surroundings, it caught my eye because it was smaller and a different color from its neighbors. I reached down and picked it up and felt short of breath.
This precious little rock was my sign. There in the middle of the rock was a cross formed by the white lines of the rock. A white cross on a pink rock. On both sides. I turned it over and over in my hand simply astonished. I took a deep breath, looked out over the beautiful, nosiy ocean and whispered "Thank you!" before running up the stairs to meet the group.
Listening to the others share the remarkable, simple things they had seen and heard during our contemplation time was amazing. Someone heard the Song of Simeon from a bird singing in a tree. Another heard chants in the roar of the waves. I listened carefully then decided to share my treasure.
I told my brief story, a bit choked up and trying not to cry. The room of women erupted with a gasp when I explained the rock with the cross. It was a beautiful moment. I passed the rock around the room and let them feel it....hold it.
One of the Sisters running the morning of prayer summed it up this way: she came up to me, little bit of a thing she was, and put her hands on my shoulders. "Do you realize the enormity of this???" she said. "This little rock has been around since God made the world," she explained. "It was probably part of a much bitter rock....a glacier perhaps. It has been broken off and tossed about the ocean and the earth for centuries. It washed up on this beach, with countless others, for YOU to find today, when you needed it." She hugged me.
I was even more astonished at this point. Then I had a confession to make. I told of the heart shaped rock not being enough....of wanting more. Greedy. "I feel guilty," I said. "Because I didn't trust the first sign was enough. Like I didn't trust God.".
"No, dear....." the Sister said gently. "It's because He WANTED you to trust him. He gave you the courage to ask for more so He could show you how much he loves you......with this little rock."
Speechless.
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